Hater Monday

Wassup my beloved? Beginning this Monday and every other Monday from now, I’m initiating something I call ‘Hater Monday.’ Why? Coz it’s Monday, and we all hate this day of the week. So I figured, why not on everything else for that matter? Enter Hater Monday’s.

Fake Weng’s?

Enyewe, seriously what is it with Kenyans, especially radio & TV presenters adopting fake accents? Seriously, as in someone is as Kenyan as Olduvai Gorge, no infinitesimal sign of foreign influence on him/her, yet (s)he has adopted some crazy accent from sijui-where. Okay, if you have lived in a foreign country from when you were like 6 years old, I understand – your accent has probably been influenced by your school teachers…(I need not remind those Kenyans who went abroad for like 5/6 years and came back with a tweng’ that they are all faking it as well. I mean, think about it; Arnold Schwarzenegger still has an Austrian accent and he immigrated to the states almost 40 years ago – I digress.

Most of these weng’ers have never even stepped near an airport…. Kuenda Naivasha is the furthest wamefika. Worse still, these so called foreign accents - even wazungu hawaelewi kile wanasema. You find a dude supposedly talking with a British accent that even the British can’t place which part of Britain the ‘accent’ is from. Keep it real, keep it Kenyan…if you come from abroad after like 20 years and got an accent through influence, that is cool, no prob. But if you are suffering from some inferiority complex, whose symptoms include developing an accent…you may as well go for plastic surgery like Whacko Jacko. The worst are those who shrub (wanashema) while using the feigned accent. And what’s with all these radio stations using a mzungu to do the voice over’s for their ads?! Worst still, the mzungu can’t even pronounce most Kenyan names right! Even Ghetto Radio’s getting in on the act…hello? Sisi ni Wakenya jo, damn it! The mzungu-sounding voice doesn’t make the ads sound better or gistier – just plain foreign. Keep it real.